Recently, Ronda Rousey made some comments that were horribly misguided and isolating for many. I hadn’t commented on it before because I was considering what to say, and many, many people had commented already. However, Rousey just keeps giving me ample opportunities to reply. I feel obligated to voice my concerns despite the numerous, phenomenal responses already, because if by some chance even one person stumbles upon my blog before any of the others who have so amazingly responded, I need them to know they are not wrong or broken or lazy. Not to mention, I want to flood the internet with the truth about lube instead of this nonsense that Rousey is spouting.
Shall we begin?
The first half of her comments were well meant- men, and all people, should take their time if that is what their partner wants and needs. She should have stopped there, but she didn’t. She shamed men by saying if their partner needed lube they were being lazy and inattentive, and she shamed women who may need or prefer lube for any reason (and they are many!). And then there’s the whole issue of her assuming everyone’s in a cis-gendered, heterosexual relationship. Then she got all defensive and instead of saying something along the lines of “I’m sorry, I never considered any reality but my own, and as a public figure I see how that could be a very damaging issue” she dug herself deeper. She called people defending lube and it’s greatness “gritty kitty bitches” and said they were “working with a sandbox”. I personally use lube for vaginal and oral sex as well as masturbation and when I’m using my hands on my boyfriend. So I’m not sure if she just doesn’t understand how sex works but using the term sandbox doesn’t always make sense even.
So why is a celebrity shaming people such an issue?
Rousey has gone from athlete sensation to that fiesty figure people look to on how to be cool. And that’s a problem when she’s dishing out sex advice she knows nothing about beyond limited personal experience. Sex is already something our society lacks proper education on and when our “cool models” (instead of role models?) tell people there’s something wrong with them or they are lazy if they are using lube we are doing a disservice to everyone. Some people enjoy using lube and some absolutely need it, for whatever reason- like glasses. Rousey is essentially starting a “four eyes” insult for sex, except it’s not one that stops at emotional and psychological trauma. If someone needs lube and isn’t using it they put themselves at risk for sti’s, physical discomfort and pain, condoms breaking, avoiding sex, and much much worse.
If that has been Rousey’s reality thus far, there’s nothing wrong with that and maybe for her that’s a sign of a partner who is unconcerned with her pleasure. But where it becomes an issue is when she took her limited personal experience on the subject matter and extended it to everyone, regardless of gender, while still highly gendering everyone, if that’s possible. Saying “you should never need lube in your life” may sound like a sound argument if you’ve always been a heavy personal lube maker and aren’t engaging in anal play. However, you have no idea how hormonal changes or other medical changes later in life will affect your personal lube production. And let me tell you, if you are willing to just stop being sexual because you need lube, you might want to reevaluate your sex life. Trust me- I’ve been there! That is totally your choice to stop being sexual- but it’s absolutely not necessary! Lube is great! Sex is great! Lube makes sex great! It might take you some experimenting to find something you like, but lube exists for a reason. People need it, people like it! There’s nothing wrong, lazy or shameful about it. No matter what some famous person who gets punched in the face for a living tells you.