My anxiety and phobias

Today I went in for what I thought would be a routine doctor’s visit. I have never really been afraid of doctors, and leaving work early to go by myself didn’t even phase me. I am very, very pale skinned and have been told it’s pretty much a matter of when, not if, I’ll get skin cancer. That’s never really bothered me because I go every year, and it’s slow growing enough that going yearly should catch anything in plenty of time. I try not to think about that time, but today’s appointment ended with me having to get a biopsy. 

By now, I’m sure you all know I have anxiety. As a child I acquired phobias like Pokemon cards, except unlike those outdated trading cards, my phobias are here to stay. My two biggest phobias are arachnaphobia and really anything involving needles or skin not being intact. 

When I was waiting for the doctor, I noticed a new addition to the office- a stack of cards discussing post biopsy care. That’s when I realized it was only a matter of time before I would end up needing a biopsy and out rolled the anxiety train. I regretted not bringing someone and thought about calling my mom to come be with me. I was able to calm myself down enough by the time the doctor finally arrived. The first thing she said to me was “we haven’t had to do a biopsy on you yet” as if that was very abnormal.

After some searching, she circled a mole and said “that one we’ll need to take off.” At which point I started having a panic attack, and she looked at me like I was overreacting. Crying and hyperventilating in front of doctors is nothing new for me, but this time I felt really sef-conscious. Most say something along the lines of “oh anxiety is normal, we have all kinds of adults who get anxious about this and react in different ways” this doctor looked at me and said “You’re an adult. Someone must have done something to make you this way” 

I warned her that I was going to pass out, that I always do any time a needle is involved and she said “you won’t pass out” ya, I guess you know more about my body then? Luckily she had enough sense to recline me and put a fan on me. The assistant was very nice and very receptive to me asking if I could hold her hand. She was fantastic and kept talking to me the whole time. I started feeling lightheaded and fuzzy halfway through, told them and then passed out. I woke up unable to move or talk, wide-eyed and covered in sweat. I’m pretty used to passing out by now, but it’s always startling to come-to after passing out. 

The assistant gave me a sucker and stayed with me until I starting to regain my color and slowly got me to where I could stand. I got changed and texted my mom in the waiting room to come pick me up. She drove me home, but I still needed to get my car home from the doctors. I left my keys with my mom in all the chaos and had to wake my boyfriend up to get the door. When he answered I fell apart and tried my best to explain what happened through the tears. He picked me up and carried me to bed and told me to text my mom that he would be down to meet her in a moment. She drove him to pick my car up and then he went to the store to get me the bandaids and ointment I needed for my post-biopsy care. 

I’ve spent most of the rest of the day sobbing and laughing (I nervous laugh when I get overwhelmed). It will take about two weeks to heal, and I need to change the bandaids regularly. I’m also terrified of bandaids- they rip off your skin/hair, and I’m afraid the scab will stick to the padding and be ripped off. Not to mention I’m horrified to even look at the bandage, let alone the actual spot. I managed to shower tonight and wrap it so it didn’t get wet like I was told. I’m dreading the next couple weeks, but am trying my hardest to not overthink this. This is going to become a part of my life now, and if I ever have kids (and I really want to have kids) I’m going to have to work through this because I’ll more than likely need a c-section. 

I can’t help but be reminded of the time I had a large mole removed when I was ten that required surgery and stitches and how poorly I handled that. It took me years to feel comfortable having that area touch anything, and I still, over a decade later, get very uncomfortable if someone else even looks like they are going to touch it. I am not sure I’ve ever touched it. It is an area that brings me a lot of stress and I don’t want this to become like that at all. I can’t be afraid of my entire body.

I want to be able to go about my life like normal tomorrow, but I know that won’t happen. I am trying my hardest to overcome this, but it won’t be easy. Normally my depression and anxiety go hand in hand, but lately I have been lucky enough to have my depression at bay, but my anxiety has still been high. I am considering going back on the meds, but don’t want to risk the sexual side affects since things are finally going so well. 

I think I am going to talk with my mom and partner about seeing someone again to discuss my options for anxiety meds. I cannot thank them enough for how selflessly they dropped everything to care for me today. 

I’M BACK!!!

I know! It’s been forever! Trust me, I know!

As you may or may not know, I was offered the option to retake my GMAT for free by my top choice school. I ran with it and studied my ass off. So much literal blood (paper cuts, periods and nose bleeds), sweat (from working out all my stress and frustrations at the gym), and tears (though not as many as I expected) (and a bit of alcohol) went into my retake. And I am so proud and excited to say I did so much better!! Hopefully good enough to get me into my top choice school! *fingers crossed*

I tell ya though, I wouldn’t have made it through without all of the amazing people in my life, namely my mom and partner, but also a ton of my Twitter followers and friends! You were all so supportive and encouraging of me! I was so awe struck by your overwhelming response! I cannot thank you all enough for not only that, but your patience with me during this whole process as I haven’t put out any new reviews.

The next big thing in my life is this move in four weeks! You’ll be sure to hear all about it as it approaches, but now that I have a ton more free-time, as I’m not devoting every second of it to studying for this test, I expect my blog will start to take more of a priority in my life. I am so excited to be able to spend time on my blog again, I’ve really missed being able to contribute to our community these weeks. So, bear with me as I get my life together again after this treacherous month, and I should have a new review out for you soon!!

We-Vibe Tango

How do I even write a review for the Tango? It’s just that fucking awesome. Plus you’ve probably heard that numerous times, but I am beyond in love.

I got mine in my Passionate Play collection along with the We-Vibe 4+ and a white silk sash, so mine is in Ivory. I have debated owning more than one, and regret I didn’t purchase a second one when they still had a big sale going. There isn’t really much for me to say about it other than it is by far the best bullet vibe I have ever used. It has amazingly rumbly vibrations and it is pretty pinpoint to hit all the right spots. It is rechargeable, waterproof, a snap to clean, and it’s the Tango. It speaks for itself.

 

-In Use-

I use the Tango on the lower settings of the steady vibration, ramping it up after a while. I’m not very fond of patterns as they don’t do much for me, but the wave has a very teasing feeling to it. I rarely ever use it though, because I know I won’t orgasm from that, and I just get frustrated and switch to the steady vibrations. The lowest setting was usually enough to get me off (I’ve started wanting a bit more power), but I rarely go past the second to lowest setting when using it alone. If I am using it between my labia during sex, I ramp it up higher because the vibrations tend to get dulled. Keep in mind though, I do not need as strong of vibrations as some people might, but power is in no way something the Tango is lacking. I do not own any toys that would work as attachments for the Tango, so I currently only use it as a clit vibe, or occasionally on my boyfriends penis. I typically lay it flat against my clit, nestled between my labia. I use it while masturbating or during sex and it sometimes stays on its own during sex, but I usually hold the base of it steady so I can move it where my clit demands.

I have used it on my boyfriend and while it isn’t his favorite thing, he does occasionally enjoy it. He says he prefers it lower on his shaft because higher up already has too much sensation, especially if I am using my hands rather than just pressing the Tango onto him. He says he doesn’t think he could orgasm from the vibration alone, but it does provide interesting and new sensations that he enjoys.

 

-Cons-

The Tango, as with anything, does have its issues though. First, It’s pretty pin-point, which, while it may work well for me using it on myself, my boyfriend doesn’t have as much precision as I do. Which can be really frustrating needing it immediately on the left side of my clit, and then having to try to explain to my boyfriend what that means in the heat of the moment. My clit can be very demanding, there’s no shame in that, I just need to work around it sometimes. This also wouldn’t be great for people who need or prefer broader stimulation unless they were planning to use it as a bullet vibe inside a broader toy, but as I do not own any of those types of toys, I cannot say how well that would work.

The next issue I have is the controls. While it does pick up on the setting you left off on if you turn it off via the “hold for two seconds” method, there’s no way to tell what level/setting you are on without scrolling all the way through and turning it off and on again.  One button for everything. This one button also cannot be travel locked.

Another issue is the material. It is made of hard ABS plastic and the one button control is covered in silicone. The plastic can mean a lot of pressure and potential bruising from pressing or grinding too hard on it. Also, because there is a seam where silicone meets plastic it can catch gunk. Luckily it is waterproof so just make sure to really get in that seam.

The final issue that I struggle with, and I know I am not alone in this, is that they can be temperamental. I have heard numerous stories of them dying out fairly easily. Ticking, rattling, batteries dying, overheating when recharging. The Tango also has a magnetic charging base that doesn’t stay put too well and can be a pain when charging. Mine experiences some of these, but I still think it is worth it. Nothing is perfect I guess.

 

-Final Thoughts-

To understand how much the Tango really changed my sex life, you can read all about my orgasm journey. The Tango was the next step after my Couple 2+ that facilitated my sex life revolution.

We purchased the Passionate Play collection because my Couple 2+ was the most amazing thing I ever experienced during sex at that time and wanted the newest model. I loved that the collection included the limited edition Aqua color of the 4+ and the Ivory Tango. While I rarely use the Couple 4+ that came with the collection, I almost always reach for my Tango, even if to just have it close by during sex. It has become an integral part of sex for me now. While I use both my Tango and my MWR pretty interchangeably during sex now, my Tango will always hold a place in my heart as my most used, most successful, and most loved toy. It absolutely changed my life- I am now able to orgasm, hands-free, during sex. Which I honestly never thought would happen. I cannot thank We-Vibe enough.

My Orgasm Journey

I started this blog because I wanted a fun way to grow my toy collection and share it with the world. More importantly though, I struggled with the damaging messages I was told as a child and teen about sex. I needed a way to organize and get out my feelings on my past and wanted to join a sex positive community.

Due to genetic predisposition mixed with a string of traumatic events, I struggled with depression and anxiety. This meant medication in my teens that prevented me from being able to orgasm. I did not even have my first orgasm until I was 19, which at the time felt very old. I never much masturbated as I wasn’t ever strong enough to get anywhere with my hand and would tire quickly. I had plenty of experience with different partners and would get pleasure out of it, but never orgasmed. I was finally able to orgasm by myself after months of using a (definitely not body-safe) vibrator I bought from Spencer’s. I credit the vibrator and lack of medication for even being able to orgasm at all.

My orgasms then weren’t even anything special, but for me it was amazing and such a relief to be having them at all. Soon, I was able to use my hands to get myself off, and I could orgasm easily on my own. Flash forward a few years and I finally start dating again. However, with the stress of graduation approaching and job searching, my anxiety and depression kicked up ten fold. I went back on the meds, this time with a doctor who was actually concerned about my sexual well-being. My current partner and I struggled to overcome my insecurities about my inability to orgasm with a partner. The meds worked well for the depression and anxiety, but they devastatingly took away my ability to orgasm. Luckily, my doctor was more than willing to adjust my medication accordingly. This led to me buying my first body-safe toy: my We-Vibe Thrill. It ended in me going off the meds entirely. This was a tough decision to make and may not be the right decision for someone else. I had been on them long enough that they lifted me out of my really deep depression and had been able to stabilize. Being off of them was still a daily struggle, but for me, not having my orgasms was causing so much stress on its own that I figured I was better off fighting my demons in other ways.

Using the Thrill helped me get my orgasms back (because they don’t just magically come back right away after stopping the meds) but since it couldn’t really be used for PIV, we still struggled significantly to find a way to make sex enjoyable for me. We purchased the Couple 2+ next and enjoyed that, but knew there was more for me to experience. So, we purchased the Passionate Play collection, which included my Tango, and it completely changed our sex life. I went from hardly being able to experience mediocre orgasms to being able to orgasm fully and easily during sex. I cannot begin to describe the feeling of relief and joy when our sex life started to become much more fluid. From there, I felt comfortable enough with my body and our sex-life to start experimenting with more things instead of having to always be focusing on my orgasm. That is about the time I started this blog and when I really started trying more sex toys. I am so happy with the way things are going right now, but every now and then we have a few set-backs. Those set-backs remind me of how far I have come and how far I still have to go.

Audre by Blush

When Blush contacted me to review for them I was a little hesitant. I knew that they carried toys that were porous and I hadn’t really heard much about them good or bad. Dangerous Lilly did cover them when talking about similar toy designs and that’s about the extent I knew of them. I told them I would love to review their products, but that I only review non-porous toys. They directed me to some of their silicone lines and I was instantly attracted to the Audre. All silicone, waterproof, rechargeable, and flexible?? I have been looking for a very specific toy, I love my Magic Wand Rechargeable and my We-Vibe Tango, but I wanted something of a combination of the two. I was really hoping the Audre could fill this role, which is why I was so excited to try it out, could this be my Goldie-Locks vibrator?

The branding they chose for Audre is fairly anthropomorphic and very Victoria’s Secret-esque, which isn’t exactly my style, but I was willing to overlook that. I was sent the pink, and I like it, oddly enough; though I will always advocate for more unique colors. I love the silicone on it, it is a very soft, matte silicone that does a phenomenal job at repelling cat hair. In fact it’s one of my only silicone toys I can dry with a towel without any fuzz sticking to it. I just can’t stop handling it. It does have a smell to it that I can’t quite place, which is odd to me since silicone shouldn’t hold smells (Thank you so much to Dangerous Lilly for giving an amazingly thorough response to the smell question, which can be viewed in the comments section). I did contact them about it, and they said that they would ask their materials specialist. I was told that the smell may be due to the cleaning detergent during the finishing process and that it was safe and the smell should dissipate in time. So far the smell has lightened up, but it’s still a little odd to me. No one else I have talked to has experienced this and another reviewer, Gabby, flame tested it and said it performed as silicone should, which is very promising and validates what Blush told me.

I was so excited when it arrived, the first thing I did was take it out and squeeze and flex it. I love how flexible it is and the way it was done. The bottom where the controls are is somewhat squishy and the middle, the thinnest part, is where it flexes from. The toy charges through a small charging port on the bottom of the toy (the tabbed end rolls out in the direction the little arrow points, just make sure it is sealed closed before washing!!). It comes with the USB adapter and unlike the magnet of my Tango, it stays put very well. It flashes while charging, but the lights are fairly dim. While I haven’t timed it, the charge doesn’t seem to last the full 50 minutes. It has definitely died mid-sex more than once on me though, so make sure to keep it charged between uses. I think this is where those lights could be most helpful, a “low battery” flashing light would be great to remind me to charge it.

The black charge port cover

The lights

Flexing the Audre

-Controls-

The Audre has 3 levels, and 4 patterns. I like to increase my power as I go, and the Audre has a good low/medium/high. I am not a huge fan of patterns, but the ones they have are nice. I wish the ramp-up one stayed at the highest setting just a bit longer, as it is extremely teasy. I also enjoy the faster pulsing. The buttons are very easy to push and are squishy, which I adore!! There is an on/off button that turns the device on/off, and then you have to hit the vibrate button to turn on the vibrations and cycle through the different settings. The problem with this is that I have accidentally hit the off button during sex when I meant to increase power, and I got turned around as to which button was which, interrupting the sex. You also need to scroll through all settings instead of having an up/down button. It’s not a deal breaker, but it can be annoying if I decide I bumped up the power too early.

-Power-

It is hard for smaller, rechargeable toys to have a lot of power, but I think the Audre could hold its own. I was quite impressed with how strong it was when I opened it, though it does seem somewhat weaker than my Tango. I would say the highest setting was comparable to the second setting on the Tango. While I am used to the power on my MWR and Tango, I was still able to orgasm from the Audre. I however, do not require a ton of power to reach orgasm, but I do like having power. I would prefer the Audre to be a bit more powerful, and have one more power level, but for what it is, I think it works well enough, especially if you don’t need a ton of power.

-In Use-

On my clit during masturbation it performed how I expected. The toy was able to fit amazingly between my labia, which was awesome. I loved that it was just bulky enough to spread and hold my labia open. What I was really curious about though was during sex and internal stimulation. It is not an a-spot toy, which is my favorite sexual sensation. I was really impressed with how strong the vibrations felt internally as most internal vibrators I have tried have lost a lot of their vibration inside of me. While using my MWR on my clit and the Audre internally, I was really able to get something out of my g-spot which is very unusual for me. The flex was really great for this as I was able to push down on the bottom of the toy and have gentle pressure on my g-spot. The Audre also stayed in my vagina better than most other dildos I have, most just kind of work their way out, but the shape of the Audre really keeps it in place, though it will rotate if I do not hold on to it while it is vibrating. During face-to-face sex, with my boyfriend on top, it didn’t stab anyone like my MWR, but it did end up getting nudged into my stomach with every thrust which was fairly distracting and annoying. Since the toy is merely coated in silicone, rather than being all silicone, I wasn’t expecting a ton of squish, but it is actually pretty forgiving with me on top during sex and grinding on it, especially compared to the hard plastic of my Tango. However, between the two of us it did dampen the vibrations significantly, and I felt myself wanting more power even on the highest setting.

So how did it stack up with what I wanted? My biggest issue was wanting more power. I think being a vibrator, once you have body-safe materials, power is the next most important thing that defines a toy. As long as you have lower settings for people who don’t like more power or who like to slowly increase their power, you can’t go wrong with more power. I think I will continue to use this toy in my sex life, but will probably only use it in certain settings- during masturbation externally first, then internally while using my MWR; during the beginnings of sex with my partner to get things going before eventually switching to something with more power; or as a replacement for my Tango when my clit is already bruised or sore.

 

Thanks so much to Blush for sending me this toy in exchange for my honest and unbiased review.

Bad Dragon Stan

You can read my review of Bad Dragon as a company here.

I ordered a pre-made Stan size mini, medium firmness, or firmness 5, with beautiful gold marbling and a blue base. It was completely impulsive and not at all thought through. I later waffled back and forth about if I had made a good decision until it arrived. I think I was more anxious than excited when it arrived, especially since I picked it up on my way out the door and couldn’t open it for hours later.

 

–First Impressions–

I wasn’t really sure what to expect because I had never owned an all silicone dildo before Stan. My silicone toys were all vibrators and the silicone coats the hard plastic (like my We-Vibe couples). I watched some videos to try to get an idea and thought I wanted as firm as possible while still having some squish. I was intending on purchasing firm when I purchased from Bad Dragon, however, impulse got the best of me when I fell in love with this little Stan on the adoptions page. My Stan was firmer than I expected so I was definitely pleased with that. I ranked it’s firmness with some of my other dildos and feel it is probably the closest to my Vixskin Mustang. However, you really cannot compare Bad Dragon silicone to the dual density. The squish on the softer layer of the Vixskin (mostly the head) feels softer than that of the medium Bad Dragon, however, because of its firmer core, I’d say the Bad Dragon feels squishier and is definitely less rigid. The silicone feels squishier than the softer layer of the Tantus O2 on my Flurry as well. I think my next toy from Bad Dragon will be in the firm, so that I can compare the firm to medium.

I was thrilled with the coloring which is what I fell in love with in the first place. The detailing is very attractive, and I love the marbling effect on the shaft. The base is a very pretty blue and it almost looks a bit like a clam shell. There is a bit of an imperfection with the color bleeding into the base as you can see in my picture, but that doesn’t bother me. I realized later the Stan can be made with a suction cup base for an extra $10, but mine was already pre-made and did not come with one. I sort or regret not upgrading, but oh well. I definitely want to try a suction cup base on my next Bad Dragon toy as the entire base of the toy itself is a suction cup which seems effective and attractive.

I also ordered some Teenie Weenies. I love them and their colors. Their bases stick to surfaces but only if they are upright, not like a suction cup against a wall or anything- though that would be really cool! I received a Bumble Hooves the Unicorn in a frosty, light mint color, which is my favorite color of my Teenie Weenies, and as it turns out, is glow in the dark. I also received a Rex the German Shepard in a pastel blue color, Hanns the Mandrake in all white, a Nova the Breeder in purple, and a maroon Razor the Doberman. I do think they are overpriced though, $5 per Teenie Weenie? Only available in bundles of 5? Ya, no. The lure of small things fooled me once, never again!

 

–In Use–

The first thing I did when I was able to open it was boil my Stan, well first I washed it with soap and water then I boiled to be sure I got off everything and anything it could have come in contact with until it arrived, like a fresh start! I like being overly thorough sometimes. It boiled well, as it should, since it is silicone. Then I let it dry and cool down while I put on something sexy to watch and started up my Tango. I was a little worried about the size, but I was able to take it all and fairly easily. I made sure I had already orgasmed once and then lubed up using about twice as much lube as I normally do. The head is shaped sort of like a rounded triangle so it eases in well. By the end I was wishing for just a bit more length though. I still need to get the hang of how to thrust it, and work on whatever muscles I use when thrusting. I may end up using this toy less as a thrusting toy and more as a filling/full sensation toy. However, right now I don’t care for that much.

I was really enamored with it because it was new and pretty, but I’m not sure I’m as thrilled with the sensations it provides. I couldn’t really discern any of the specific details of the shaft, and the head doesn’t really do a ton for my g-spot or a-spot, possibly because I’m not that big on my g-spot and it isn’t really designed as an a-spot toy due to its large bulbous head and short length. I was so eager to get something out of this toy that I was using it fairly aggressively hoping maybe more would feel better. Its girth left me feeling a bit pummeled, wanting, and lacking. Very reminiscent of my first sexual experiences. Not a feeling I enjoy, or want from a sex toy or partner. Something I did find that felt unique and good, was when my boyfriend inserted it as deep as it could go and twisted the dildo so the tallest point nudged at places I rarely feel. I wasn’t able to cum from that but it did feel pretty stimulating in an unusual way that I wasn’t so sure about.

 

–Final Conclusions–

All in all, Bad Dragon is a really unique company. The Stan is great for what it was designed for, being a large dildo. If you want a girthy fantasy dildo this could be a fantastic option for you, as it is one of their largest toys and comes in many larger sizes. However, if you are wanting a silicone dildo for a-spot stim or g-spot stim, I’d spend your money on something else.

*As I don’t have a prostate I cannot comment on how it feels on a prostate in any way shape or form. It does have a base, however, rather than a very wide and suddenly flared base, this base merely gradually gets wider in the front. The back does have a ridge, but it is only in the back and is fairly short. Being overly cautious (and I believe you cannot be too cautious when it comes to body safety) it doesn’t seem like the safest base for anal play, therefore I will not recommend it for anal use.

Company Review: Bad Dragon

Read my review of the Bad Dragon Stan here.

I should warn you before I begin my company review, I have heard negative buzz about their customer service and company. I cannot personally verify or validate any of it, all I know is that my order turned out fine.

I ordered the Stan from Bad Dragon in the fall of 2015. I personally don’t have any draw towards the fantasy dildos, but I like the variety of shapes/sizes/textures/colors that Bad Dragon offers as well as their extreme customization capabilities.

First, they have a wide variety of actual toy models they offer (dildos, sleeves, sheaths, and accessories). Then, you can either purchase a pre-made one, like I did, or customize your own. Finally, you have options of size, firmness, and coloring, and some toys can even have a cum tube (allowing the toy to ejaculate Bad Dragon’s own cum lube, or ya know any other water-based lube) and/or a suction cup base. Their sizes vary pretty greatly by toy though, so make sure to read up on the specs before choosing. All of these different modifications and add-ons come at a price though, and they add up quickly!

One thing that was odd to me was that you never really get a chance to review your order. Unless I somehow missed it- I didn’t get a run-through of my order and information until the order confirmation page.

I didn’t actually have any serious issues with my order, other than me being extremely impatient and overly concerned. I didn’t get an email until my order was shipped, which was different than the normal “Welcome to ____” email, followed by the, “We got your order” email, then the “We are shipping your order” and lastly “How was your experience?”. So impatient, anxious me was worried something was wrong and I’d never get my Stan, but I did.

I placed my order late night on a Friday and it arrived the following Friday morning. I chose to ship through FedEx, but they offer UPS as well. The order came with purple tissue paper, and the Stan was in a plastic bag rather than a box like I’m used to with Lelo and WeVibe. It does not come with any storage pouch, so for now he lives in a quart sized ziplock.

My biggest issue with the order was that at the time they were running a deal where if your pre-made toy didn’t ship out the next day, they would give you a coupon for the total price. Since my toy did not ship out the next day, and it was a pre-made toy, I thought I had qualified. However, because my order also included the Teenie Weenies, which are apparently custom items (despite being randomly picked), my order did not qualify.

In sum, I really love how customizable and unique their products are. I also love that they offer a wide range of body safe, silicone toys including masturbation sleeves, which is rare. I was also satisfied with my experience with them. However, keep in mind that there are many documented concerns regarding their customer service and the integrity of their company. Many reviewers have sworn off Bad Dragon because of this. Bad Dragon is probably the most well known fantasy dildo maker, but that doesn’t necessarily make them the best.

Life Update 3/13/16

I wish I was putting up a review today, but instead I have tons of exciting news as promised. Let’s break it down!

• I just signed my lease on an amazing duplex. I love the area it is in, there are tons of great restaurants and shops in walking distance, including a liquor store and a really great little fine foods shop. It is so much bigger and has everything I was looking for except instead of getting two bathrooms, I got one small bathroom without an exhaust fan. But everywhere has sacrifices.

• I am looking into getting my own domain name and web hosting!! I am learning so much about the process, I had no idea how detailed and intricate it was! Stay tuned for any possible changes!

• I am finishing up a few last minute things for getting into grad school. It is really stressful and exciting. I am nervous if I’ll be able to handle working full time at my job and going to school full time, but I really want this and I can always drop to taking classes part time if I need to.

• As part of the final steps in applying to grad school, I took my GMAT yesterday!! I was a bundle of nerves before, as you might have seen on my Twitter, but it is behind me now! I did not do as well as I wanted, but I will not let this hold me back from my dreams.

So, now I am just preparing and waiting for everything to happen. Which means thinking about how I am going to decorate, cleaning my current place to get ready to pack up everything, waiting to hear back from schools, defending my ability to succeed despite GMAT scores, and learning more about web hosting. This means a lot of exciting changes ahead for me and my blog. I cannot wait to share them with you!!

Life Update 2/28/16

Hello everyone!! I’ve been trying to get a new review or substantial post out every two weeks this year. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to get one out to you this weekend, and possibly not two weekends from now either. I will update you in two weeks regardless.

The reason I am not able to get one out is because I have been very busy with some exciting life changes! I have been looking for a new place to live, which I am soo close to being able to officially say I have found!! My boss is pregnant so I am gearing up to take over her job, which is keeping me very busy, and also not very busy at work if that’s somehow possible. I also am in the final stages of preparing to take my GMAT and applying to grad school. I take my GMAT in two weeks so I have lots of practice tests to take and answers to review until then, which is why I may not get that review out two weeks from now. It was also my birthday this past week so I have had lots of celebrating to do! My life is really exciting and confusing and overwhelming lately, but I can finally see it starting to come together.

Anyway, I have to run out and grab some groceries before I go get ready to take another long practice test, but I hope you are all having a lovely weekend!! Take care of yourselves and hopefully we will be back to our regularly scheduled programming soon!

Tantus Flurry

I ordered the Flurry in Tantus’ flash sale. Originally almost $80, I ended up spending $33. The discount code was “Hurry” and I was in such a hurry to place my order I completely forgot to put the code in. Luckily, Tantus was wonderful and discounted me the proper amount- more than $50- what a savings!! I couldn’t decide between the blue and pink. I had heard the blue was sold out, which it turns out it wasn’t, but it made my choice easier, and I went with pink. I am happy with my decision, especially since there is more of a color fade than is visible on their site. Though if I ever get a Cush, I will get it in blue. I like having a variety of colors.

You can really see the color fade here

I was so excited to finally get my first Tantus. I have heard so much about Tantus, the magical 02, dual density, silicone. I got an amazing deal on it and was impatiently waiting for it to arrive. All I could think about was the excitement and magic that would happen when I slipped this thing of beauty inside me.

I’ll take this time to talk about their O2. Many brands now are trying out the idea of pairing a softer, squishier silicone with a firmer silicone to give it a more realistic feeling. The firmer silicone is used for the core, while the softer silicone is for the outer dildo. Tantus’ O2 is definitely firmer than Vixen’s Dual Density VixSkin. I’m not sure if Tantus just has a thinner layer of their softer silicone (that’s what it feels like), but Vixen definitely has more squish, while still maintaining rigidity, than the Tantus O2. In use, I can’t really make out the O2, but it does feel more giving than the slow drive long. The O2 silicone feels more matte to me than the typical “sticky” silicone of softer toys, but it definitely isn’t a true matte, if that makes any sense. It will still definitely pick up cat hair and lint, but out of all of my silicone dildos, it probably has the least cling.

Dildo flex with medium pressure

Head squish with firm pressure

Now to the actual use: well it wasn’t instant magic, I’ll say that. It was easy and comfortable to insert, felt decent inside of me, but didn’t just “WOW” me right off the bat. I got some okay thrusting in, but I just don’t have the strength and stamina to thrust the way I need to. It was sufficient enough at just having something inside me to fill me up, but didn’t really do much unless I was thrusting, which I couldn’t maintain. It became frustrating and not very rewarding.

So, after a few solo adventures I had my boyfriend give it a go on me. He is an amazing dildo thruster! His speed and rhythm were so on point; it was wonderful. It was a very overwhelming and satisfying experience, and paired with my Tango, on a setting higher than I normally use, I had an explosive orgasm.  That being said, it still isn’t giving me those mind numbing, skin tingling sensations of “holy fuck THAT THAT THAT”. But I’m also still in the beginning stages of exploring penetration. It wasn’t until this past year I’ve been able to get anything out of vaginal stimulation at all.

With some more experience with dildos, I have ruled that while this is a fantastic quality dildo that is beautifully made, it just doesn’t do much for me. Dildos are a tough sell for me, keep in mind. I need very specific stimulation (mostly just my a-spot) for it to feel like anything more than just numb in and out. The Flurry does a decent job in letting me feel the sensation in my vagina, but it just doesn’t quite do it for me. I love Tantus and think they are a phenomenal brand, but this toy is not my favorite of theirs.